Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
