drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
