Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize