I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize