literally had 100 drinks last night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize