I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
