I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He did a backflip because drugs
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