Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
