I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
