i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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