new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
