I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
