So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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