I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
