my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize