Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
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