I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize