I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
love makes seman taste better
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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