Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Enjoy the penises
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
