i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
