can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
