I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
