Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
