Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
