k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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