I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
