The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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