He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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