Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
