Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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