I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
