i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
