So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize