So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
