Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
