Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize