well I can't set my house on fire every night
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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