He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
