we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
God, I missed his penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
