I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
