paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
