party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Girls should come with a carfax report
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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