I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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