I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
