im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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