HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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