Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
