I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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