i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
