He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
