I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
