i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
