Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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