Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
