508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
