dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
