Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
please come you make the beer taste better
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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