it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ugly people sure do ruin things
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
