so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
