My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
