hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
meet me or not, i'm out of control
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
