Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Even my vagina gasped.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
