And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
