it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize