I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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