Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
