I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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