I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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