No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
