shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize