I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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