Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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