if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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