yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
