you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
