Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
