he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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