I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
