Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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