Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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