You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
