We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize