I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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