1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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