so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize