Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
