i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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