I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
