Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
