Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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