Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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