I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize