What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
