just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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