I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
