and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
this hospital has no fireball
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
