I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
