I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
