Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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