just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
