if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
