when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
