I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
