Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
