I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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