would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
