When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
