it glows. i had to have it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
