my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
