Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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