He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
