Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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