I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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