am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
