We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
